Wednesday, August 31, 2011

wtf - too much caffeine



i'm so excited, too, jessie! who would have ever guessed that after her stint as smart and sassy jessie spano on saved by the bell she would later move onto ultra classy family-friendly flick showgirls and rub ice on her nipples? this guy right here, that's who! all i can say is: get it, girl.

this video is a hilarious remix of the infamous scene in which jessie's bestie zack finds out that she is addicted to caffeine pills (that's right) because there's NO TIME to study and she HAS TO SING! after all, there's a sleazy music video in leotards at stake here!

this is some funny shit and i'm laughing my ass off but it's also a little sad (not really) since jessie isn't only SO EXCITED; she's SO SCARED, too. chin up, girl. i'll never get into stanford, either.

final fantasy iii



alright, i'm definitely showing my age and risking my rep as a gamer by saying this, but final fantasy didn't always blow chunks! in fact, the series used to be GOOD! isn't that wild?

for those unfamiliar with console games, final fantasy is the equivalent a proven hollywood blockbuster franchise. the games have (until recent years) been well-received by fans. final fantasy iii is perhaps the most beloved of all and there are seriously over thirty of these games counting the myriad spin-offs. originally released in 1994, it is actually the sixth in the series and was later ported on the playstation as final fantasy vi five years later. it's enough to make your head hurt!

final fantasy iii is an rpg set in a world ravaged by constant struggle. magical beasts called espers once nearly annihilated mankind in a great war centuries ago and then mysteriously died out. the people have rebuilt their world utilizing new technologies but the clouds of war once again hang in the distance. when a young amnesiac girl discovers an esper frozen in ice, she is thrust into an impossible global struggle to save the fates of everyone and discover her true self. and come on, how many games have you played where the world gets destroyed halfway through and YOU KEEP ON GOING? this is some serious stuff and you will put some hardcore hours into it. play at your own risk!

Friday, August 26, 2011

check it out - entrance



what do you think? that's the trailer for the new horror film entrance, which debuted at the l.a. film festival back in june.

set in the silver lake district of los angeles, entrance follows a beautiful hipster barista who has grown disenchanted with the big city life. unable to connect with anyone other than her pet dog and tired of her job, she ponders leaving while a sense of dread takes over her life. she hears things in her house while she showers. guys stalk her on her way home. and then her dog goes missing. having had enough of the city lifestyle, she plans to return home to michigan. unfortunately, an uninvited guest crashes her farewell party and all hell breaks loose.

part psychological character study and part indie slasher flick, entrance is a "slow burn" type of movie with a big payoff. be on the lookout for it!

wtf - best shit ever



did you just piss yourself laughing? that's okay; i did, too. this little treasure has "masterpiece" written all over it.

for anyone still unfamiliar with the best comedy of all time, mommie dearest, this video should at least peak your interest, no?

what a riot! sweet music, great editing, and all the one-liners anyone could ever hope for. perfection.

adventure - rio

adventure - lesser known


do your ears a favor.

lesser known is the sophomore full-length album of the american electronica powerhouse known as adventure. though his debut self-titled disc was a fine record in its own rights, everything is bigger and better on lesser known.

a recent transplant to baltimore, benny boeldt (better known as adventure) pushes himself as hard as he can with his second lp and sings for the first time, often to great success.

lesser known is no run-of-the-mill electronica record. elements of dance, pop, and house fuse into an eclectic schizo realm full of glorious synths and sick beats. the entire album is a perfect gem but i like the tracks "rio," "lights out," and "meadows" the best. lesser known is a must-have for anyone who enjoys good music with a futuristic edge. i find myself going back to it again and again. now get your download on!

01. open door
02. feels like heaven
03. smoke and mirrors
04. fool's paradise
05. rio
06. lights out
07. relax the mind
08. another world
09. electric eel
10. meadows

clock tower



whereas most horror video games pay homage to zombies or beasts, clock tower moves to the beat of a different drum; the drum of a psychopathic child with a gigantic pair of garden shears! originally released in 1995, clock tower later spawned three sequels.

clock tower is different than many other games of this genre in that it relies heavily on a point-and-click interface and, as such, it translates to playing on the computer very well.

guide a young orphan named jennifer through her brand new home. having just been adopted along with her friends by a stern woman and her recluse of a husband, the girls are naturally eager to explore. however, not is all as it seems, because a kid with serious issues and a scary weapon is stalking the halls. use wits and solve puzzles to make it through the night alive. extract the game and use the snes emulator to play!

check it out - alyce



welcome to the first installment of "check it out," where i hope to enlighten you and give you something to look forward to. pretty sweet video, huh? this is the trailer for the upcoming horror movie alyce, which is finally gearing up to debut at cannes this year.

the film revolves around best friends alyce and carroll, hipster chicks in l.a. with a taste for sex, booze, and drugs. after getting shitfaced, they head up to the roof of their building. bad idea! carroll falls several floors and is left in a vegetative state. alyce is relentlessly haunted by the memories and to shut them out, she finishes off her best friend. but that's only the beginning.

alyce is already getting lots of buzz on the internet and with a trailer and synopsis like that, i'm not surprised!

this week on tv #2


  • the ice king on adventure time with jake and finn is once again up to his old tricks; in his desperation to befriend our adorable heroes, he freezes them with a potion. finn tries to save the day by calling forth the "astral beast," but things don't quite go as planned.
  • the round table of chelsea lately scores big laughs, as usual, with their cynical repertoire of witty comebacks. ross mathews hosted in chelsea's place on monday night with barely passing marks while the lovely miss handler recuperated from a long, fun weekend.
  • larry meets a sexy younger woman on curb your enthusiasm and the two hit it off from the start. however, uber dyke rosie o'donnell meets her as well and turns out--bitch is bisexual! hilarity ensues while both vie for the same girl and viagra and bad customer service all come full circle.
  • fry nearly obliterates the entire universe on futurama when he reintroduces the population of earth to the common cold. the crew goes to ridiculous measures to fix his unfortunate mishap.
  • things get heated on the green room with paul provenza when audience regular ron jeremy (yes, ron jeremy) gets way too drunk and makes a dick of himself instead of letting the panel talk, only to get slammed to a table and tossed out by a bouncer. wonderful!
  • chef ramsay continues to delight with his potty mouth and constant mantrums on hell's kitchen. blonde bitch carrie is sent packing, much to the delight of elise, and a tearful natalie goes home after a historically bad dinner service.
  • things are (mostly) back to normal on the late late show with craig ferguson, now that his stint in paris with kristen bell is done. a mysterious envelope filled with cornstarch, a bad hair choice, and geoff doing his regis philbin voice are amongst the highlights.
  • shit hits the fan on project runway when the lovely cecilia withdraws herself from the competition, only to be replaced by the creepy mormon guy who had gotten eliminated on the SECOND episode! the designers work as teams to create denim and suede looks to go with heidi's collection of new balance sneakers. the mousy quiet girl fails to find a voice and gets chopped.
  • the goddess is up to her usual shenanigans on roseanne's nuts. she flies to l.a. to get legal weed but has trouble finding a way to sneak it back into hawaii; her hippie friend comes by and hooks her up. later, she gives an empowering speech to an all-girls school.
  • tru blood delivers their second good episode in a row; a first for them! bill's loyalties with nan are tested and sookie finds a new friend in debbie. the crescendo peaks at a humane relations event when crazy ass marnie lets her vampire army do their thing.

shane has no shame - fucked up


lookin' good! :) this picture was taken on a particularly rough bender of a night over a year ago. i still don't remember much of what happened, other than it took me about two weeks to fully recuperate.

i'm all for mental stimulation, so long as it is done in as safe a manner as possible. if i recall correctly, i was stoned as fuck, drunker than i had ever been, and had a little bit of molly in the system to top it off.

i think i look pretty happy in the picture, despite how seriously fucked up i was! memories...

Monday, August 22, 2011

megapolis



megapolis
is an uber sweet tycoon strategy game for the pc which allows players to create city zones to sustain a healthy economy and keep local residents happy!

play in "campaign mode" to face fierce challenges or try out "sandbox mode" to construct the neighborhood of your dreams. with a variety of awards, trophies, and scenarios, the possibilities are endless!

fans of sim city and any other games in a similar vein should definitely check this one out. you won't be disappointed. as with all game downloads featured here at both my babies, simply download and extract.

retrospect - scream


when the first scream came out during the holiday season of '96, it was anyone's guess that a slasher with a meager budget would become such a monster. it literally is the little movie that could.

i still remember when it hit theaters. it had been an awful decade for horror; everything had seemingly been done to death (pun intended) and producers were growing less and less likely to invest in a dying genre.

originally entitled scary movie, the first scream was penned by gay (natch) screenwriter kevin williamson, after being inspired by the heinous case of the gainesville ripper. the draft went up for sale in june of '95, which brought about an intense bidding war.

after finding a home with dimension (then a part of miramax,) the film was retitled scream and quickly went into production with a seasoned genre director at the helm, wes craven.

drew barrymore liked the script enough to agree to sign on for the lead role of sidney prescott. with a big name actress attached, scream finally started to gain momentum as casting began. when schedule conflicts would prevent barrymore from the lead role, she instead opted for a smaller but equally important part. other notable stars from popular sitcoms at the time rounded out the cast and cameras started rolling. a few months later, the film was released to rave reviews.

in essence, scream is a simple bare bones slasher about a person in a mask terrorizing a group of teenagers in a small town. what sets it apart from the other droves of guttural garbage (and this is coming from a horror fan,) is that scream reinvented the genre by breaking the fourth wall and defining the rules of survival.

scream starts off with what is undoubtedly one of the finest opening sequences of modern cinema and from then on it is a guessing game up until the blood-drenched finale. if you've yet to see it, there's a decent chance you're not originally from this planet.

wtf - kids



don't look surprised! you knew that mommie dearest was bound to make another appearance on both my babies at some point. and so once again we find dunaway's crawford moving us with the grace and patience as only a mother can.

it may only last 13 seconds, but this clip has some truly priceless parenting tips. for instance, if your children are playing kickball with sofa cushions (??????) within the confines of your yard, lean out your window with a hangover and scream at them. that way, all of your neighbors can know how ridiculous you are!

anyway, if you've yet to see mommie dearest yet then you have probably got some fairly serious issues. get with it!

blonde redhead - 23

blonde redhead - penny sparkle


do your ears a favor.

penny sparkle is the eighth studio album from american rock trio blonde redhead. that's right: EIGHTH. blonde redhead released their eponymous debut in 1995 and still, seven years later, it is perfectly likely that you have never even heard of them before, largely due to the incompetence of record labels and disc jockeys. fear not!

blonde redhead is comprised of kazu makino and twin brothers simone and amedeo pace. over the years, a few other members came and went, as is natural in the industry. the pace brothers have always remained a constant, however.

the band's discography is both impressive and complex; penny sparkle continues their journey to experiment with new sounds and mash genres together. there are elements of rock, dreampop, electronica, and even some shades of shoegaze. blonde redhead thinks outside of the box to create a sound that is all their own. penny sparkle is one of those rare records that comes along where every track is a unique experience. "my plants are dead," "love or prison," and "will there be stars?" are my faves, though i also included a few great tracks from their previous record, 23. you know the drill.

01. here sometimes
02. not getting there
03. will there be stars?
04. my plants are dead
05. love or prison
06. oslo
07. penny sparkle
08. everything is wrong
09. black guitar
10. spain
11. spring and by summer fall
12. the dress
13. 23

Saturday, August 20, 2011

shane has no shame - reapers



welcome to the first installment of "shane has no shame," where i plan to dispute any rumors that i am made of glass and show various compromising media solely for the purpose of your amusement!


i hope to start off with a bang with my first official screenplay entitled reapers, which centers on a young teenager who must contend with a group of cannibalistic murderers that descend on her hometown.

although this project took me only about two weeks to complete, it is still riddled with quite a few grammatical errors in conjunction with bad dialogue and a finale that wraps up entirely too quickly. feel free to laugh your ass off and bust my chops! that's the primary reason this section is here!

star ocean


star ocean is the debut rpg from japanese company tri-ace. for anyone unfamiliar with video games, an "rpg" stands for "role-playing game," in which something great is typically at stake and an unlikely hero must face ridiculous odds to save the day. in hindsight, action, adventure, and puzzle are all meshed into a thoroughly entertaining melting pot.

in correspondence with my previous post, star ocean is the first rom available for download on both my babies. to be honest, i'm being terribly biased, because this is my favorite video game series of all time. though flawed and not particularly popular amongst the hardcore gaming crowd, i find the games charming and, more than anything, fun, which is all i ask for in a game.

guide a young swordsman named ratix through time and space itself as he strives to save his planet from a deadly virus that turns living matter into stone. traverse deadly dungeons and temporal landscapes while battling countless foes and recruiting numerous comrades. the controls are easy to understand and the game itself is a blast. what are you waiting for? give it a try! playing couldn't be simpler: extract and use the aforementioned zsnes.

super nintendo emulator - zsnes



for those of you unaware of what an "emulator" is, allow me to explain: basically, it is a compressed video game console for the computer which a person can download and then use to play a variety of corresponding games without having to spend a shiny penny. sweet, right?

unless you've lived as a hermit for all of existence, you should know that the super nintendo is responsible for reinventing the video game industry in the late 80's and early 90's. this console is the motherload which united casual and hardcore gamers alike and united families across the globe. alright, maybe that's a little dramatic, but you get the point. the super nintendo is amazing.

to make myself clear, this download is simply the super nintendo emulator itself, known as zsnes, and it is the best version currently available. expect numerous games known as "roms" to be uploaded in the near future for your gaming pleasure. download and extract!

foster the people - houdini

retrospect - mommie dearest


welcome to the first installment of "retrospect," where i honor timeless classics that are either unbelievably epic or notoriously bad. and what better cult favorite to start with other than the MOTHER OF THEM ALL, mommie dearest?! that's right; there isn't one!

if you were either raised by wolves in the woods or spent your entire life trapped in an underground dungeon, you may not have ever seen this 1981 "biographical drama" starring faye dunaway as joan crawford. these are really the only excuses one can possibly have for not seeing this one at least once. it fails miserably as a dramatic film but it earns high marks as a side-splitting comedy!

as soon as the movie starts, with that old 80's soap opera atmosphere and dunaway's crawford battering her epidermis with a ridiculous daily regimen, you know you're in for quite a treat. it is in these opening segments that dunaway delivers her first of many one-liners to come in regards to her boyfriend's socks and her clean floor.

the film only gets better with the introduction of crawford's foster children. though christina manages to bring the laughs with her macaroni hairdon't and smart mouth, christopher is strangely absent and must be insane or something, as he spends the whole movie strapped to his bed like a mental patient. a race in the swimming pool and infamous "NO WIRE HANGERS" scene really stand out!

later on, christina (working the same haircut she has had her entire life) is sent to reform school for her attitude problems, only to be dramatically yanked out for kissing a boy, to which crawford boldly insists that headmistress mrs. chadwick is "underreacting!"

that evening, mother and daughter duke it out old school with a journalist in the house. smooth move! the fight scene should have received awards for the great choreography; the double slap and christina's granny panties are especially epic!

years later, christina has found some success as an actress on a soap opera, only to fall ill and have her mother take over the role. in the end, crawford gets the last laugh and so, too, does the audience. enough with all of the big hollywood cg bullshit; just remake this treasure trove of comedy gold already!

this week on tv #1


welcome to the first installment of "this week on tv," where i will (typically) rant about the bullshit i catch on television; hence the name! let's face it: there is way too much crap out there on the small screen, so allow me to do you this favor. :)

  • the stereotypical queens of the a-list: new york continue to amuse (and embarrass) gays across the nation with their catty back-stabbing; rodiney's terrible english worsens.
  • lumpy space princess from adventure time with jake and finn finally returns home after being homeless for an entire season; her "monster in the cave" stint and the townspeople she terrorized are particularly cute!
  • sarah colonna, a.k.a. "chelsea lite" on chelsea lately, was prominently featured in a trilogy of hilarious voice messages she left josh wolf while completely wasted and wandering through casinos and parks alone; ross mathews and loni love contributed little to the round table other than their stale go-to crap.
  • larry once again got into his regular antics on curb your enthusiasm by "saving" a stewardess on an airplane from an unruly passenger, only to have everything blow up in his face (natch.) then he makes a dick of himself at a dinner party and gets found out, only to become a true hero by pummeling a punk on a subway with some seriously hard bread!
  • the professor from futurama thinks he is dying from a disease and asks for dr. zoidberg to mercy kill him, to which the other crew members respond by kicking everyone's favorite medical crustacean out; he later returns to save the day just in time when the professor turns into a yeti!
  • chef ramsay continues to amuse on hell's kitchen with his constant rage mode; most of the contestants prove that they have never actually cooked before with an epically bad dinner service after which the baraka lookalike goes home. (she couldn't have POSSIBLY been 24!)
  • the blonde bimbo from masterchef us wins the whole tamale in the underwhelming season finale. this show is apparently a huge deal in other countries; these losers couldn't possibly have been the best home cooks in the nation!
  • the weathered-looking broad from project runway is sent packing after designing a tacky gray and orange housecoat for fashion icon nina garcia; a sexy olive green jumpsuit and form-fitting slacks light up the runway and impress the judges.
  • uber ungrateful mega bitch ashley from the real housewives of new jersey finally gets a long-needed talking-to after sending her mother into tears; teresa continues her life of delusion and caroline's kids remain amazingly lame.
  • the bullshit that is tru blood finally airs the first good episode of the season; too bad it took until the halfway point. shit hits the fan for much of the cast, most noticeably jessica, while eric bangs sookie all over the woods so fans with nonactive sex lives can get their rocks off.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

granny in paradise



granny in paradise is just one of many highly addictive family-friendly computer games for the casual gamer, brought to you by the geniuses at sandlot games. are you curious? you should be!

a hilarious puzzle/arcade adventure, the player must guide an old woman simply known as "granny" across nearly 200 tropical stages to save her endless amount of pet cats while avoiding stray dogs and psycho tiki men.

the game is extremely fun and easy to play; simply use the arrow keys to guide granny and the space bar to dig to deter enemies in tight situations. to install the game, simply download the .rar file and extract it.

pnau - embrace (featuring ladyhawke)

pnau - soft universe



soft universe is the fourth album from the awesome australian electronica duo pnau. have you ever heard of pnau? unless you're from the great land of oz, chances are, you haven't. no worries; that's what i'm here for!

for a little background information, pnau is comprised of nick littlemore and peter mayes. they released their debut acid house album sambanova in 1999, with the sophomore effort again dropping in 2003. though these records feature a slew of good tracks, they were mostly instrumentals and the band didn't bother much with vocals until their self-titled pnau in 2007, which garnered elton john's interest and the rest is history!

now signed with elton john, their 2011 disc soft universe features their most epic production and instrumentation like never before. it is too difficult to pick and choose between the songs because this is just one of those must-have records for anyone who just has to shake their ass every once in a while. "everybody," "glimpse," and "better way" are my top favorites, but i also included their 2007 anthem "embrace" with ladyhawke, because it simply is a must-have for fans of dance music.

01. everybody
02. solid ground
03. unite us
04. twist of fate
05. the truth
06. glimpse
07. epic fail
08. better way
09. something special
10. waiting for you
11. embrace (featuring ladyhawke)

wtf - do the mario!



welcome to the first installment of "wtf." for those of you still unfamiliar with the critically-acclaimed and oscar-winning series, the super mario brothers, just watch the damn video. (looks around.) hilarious, no?

i watched this show a lot as a child and so maybe that can explain why i turned out the way i did. to dissect the show for maximum hilarity would take too much time; surf youtube for several full episodes.

what i don't really get is: why did porn star ron jeremy agree to star in a cartoon? and why does he get so exhausted at the 23 second mark? the fat asshole is clearly about to keel over but makes it through the whole dance like a champ. sweet teleporting skills, too! where's he gonna pop up next?

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

firefox ak - boom boom boom (boeoes kaelstigen remix)


firefox ak - color the trees


color the trees is the third album from stunningly sexy swedish electronica singer firefox ak. okay, i know what you're saying: WHO THE FUCK IS FIREFOX AK?! well, that's why you come to both my babies; to learn this sort of thing. (and let's face it, how can you not be curious about an artist with a stage name like that?)

firefox ak is andrea kellerman. she released two previous albums, madame! madame! and if i were a melody, respectively, but color the trees is by far her best work. the production values are stellar and the elecronica itself is lush with soft folk flourishes. add in a great vocalist
and some poetic lyrics and call it a day.

this record is one of the few i find myself coming back to again and again. kellerman's delivery melds well with dreamy electro melodies and light folk flourishes. my fave tracks are "boom boom boom," "the wind," and "honey locust," but they're all terrific. and look, i even added a bonus remix for your listening pleasure! which tracks do you like the most? i can dig it; can you?

01. brother to brother
02. meet me there
03. boom boom boom
04. the wind
05. heavy with rain
06. color the trees
07. honey locust
08. old city delusion
09. between these walls
10. running on my own
11. my sister and i
12. the way that i do
13. boom boom boom (boeones kaelstigen remix)

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

i should have known...


i should have known you'd know where to find the boys AND the booze! welcome to both my babies, your one-stop spot for everything you'll ever need to know about anything in this crazy place we call earth! check back soon for downloads, nonsense, and bullshit!

my babies! someone stole BOTH my babies!