welcome to the first installment of "retrospect," where i honor timeless classics that are either unbelievably epic or notoriously bad. and what better cult favorite to start with other than the MOTHER OF THEM ALL, mommie dearest?! that's right; there isn't one!
if you were either raised by wolves in the woods or spent your entire life trapped in an underground dungeon, you may not have ever seen this 1981 "biographical drama" starring faye dunaway as joan crawford. these are really the only excuses one can possibly have for not seeing this one at least once. it fails miserably as a dramatic film but it earns high marks as a side-splitting comedy!
as soon as the movie starts, with that old 80's soap opera atmosphere and dunaway's crawford battering her epidermis with a ridiculous daily regimen, you know you're in for quite a treat. it is in these opening segments that dunaway delivers her first of many one-liners to come in regards to her boyfriend's socks and her clean floor.
the film only gets better with the introduction of crawford's foster children. though christina manages to bring the laughs with her macaroni hairdon't and smart mouth, christopher is strangely absent and must be insane or something, as he spends the whole movie strapped to his bed like a mental patient. a race in the swimming pool and infamous "NO WIRE HANGERS" scene really stand out!
later on, christina (working the same haircut she has had her entire life) is sent to reform school for her attitude problems, only to be dramatically yanked out for kissing a boy, to which crawford boldly insists that headmistress mrs. chadwick is "underreacting!"
that evening, mother and daughter duke it out old school with a journalist in the house. smooth move! the fight scene should have received awards for the great choreography; the double slap and christina's granny panties are especially epic!
years later, christina has found some success as an actress on a soap opera, only to fall ill and have her mother take over the role. in the end, crawford gets the last laugh and so, too, does the audience. enough with all of the big hollywood cg bullshit; just remake this treasure trove of comedy gold already!
